They jokes

Me: why are Americans so good at rubix cubing? Friend: why? Me: they have a history of separating colors.

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

9/11 jokes aren't funny. They are just plane wrong.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?

They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.

These jokes are so dark they almost stole my bike.

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

You shouldn’t bully fat people.

They already have enough on their plate.

What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street?

Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!

Why do orphans go to church?

So they have someone to call father.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Why do pedophiles never win a race?

Because they are always coming in a little behind.

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.

He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."

He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."

Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

I bet China can be the best baseball team. They took out the entire world with just a bat.

What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.