Why were Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy very wise presidents?
They both had an open mind.
Why do orphans play GTA?
So they can feel wanted.
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
How do bitches talk about body positivity when they have no body to even be positive about?
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
A young boy was picked up by a strange young man who put him in his car and drove into an abandoned farm.
"This place looks scary," the kid said.
And the man replies, "I know right, I have to walk out of there alone."
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Why do bees have sticky hair? They always use honeycombs.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
Who are the fastest readers? The victims of 9/11. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
