They jokes
Why do tigers have stripes? They don't want to be spotted.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "Daddy."
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
Why can orphans not go on field trips? They need a parent signature.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Memes
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?
Me: Nah, not really.
Friend: What did they feel like?
Me: 7th grade.
Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Who says “white men can't jump?” They certainly did when the twin towers were falling.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why can't you play Uno with Mexicans? They steal all the green cards.
Why are gay people so bad at math? Because they can't multiply.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
I was raped by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.