They jokes

How do emos fly? They hang themselves.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?

They shellabrated their mommy.

Why do white people own so many pets?

'Cause they can't own people anymore.

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

They already lost two towers.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What do sea turtles and lesbians have in common?

They both choke on plastic.

You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.

Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?

Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.

Why can’t Chinese people play baseball?

Because they ate the bay.

Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...

Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?

They never get old.

Why are corners so hot?

They are always 90 degrees.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

How do rappers stay organized?

They keep their rap sheets in order.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.

There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.

They always make me cry.

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?