They jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Haven’t they switched him off and then back on yet?
Have they tried switching him off and on again?
He had a song named after him: "They see me rolling."
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
Why are blind people so good at being a Jedi?
They are always swinging a stick.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is...
Life has ups and downs, and they had downs.
When Stephen Hawking died, did they take him to the hospital or PC World?
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.
So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.
They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"
Don't trust the atoms, because they make up everything.
They struggled to lift the weights, but I got watermelon to keep me in shape.