They jokes
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
Dark humor is like kids with cancer; they never get old.
Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?
A: Because they are humerus.
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Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).
As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.
Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.
He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"
Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."
St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.
"Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.
Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.
Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?
Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?
Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
Because that’s the only love they get.
If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy.
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything!
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.