Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.
They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
What do ambulances and gay men have in common? They both take it in the back and go whoop whoop! :D
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
There were these three men, their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day they were riding in their car and Shit fell out so Manners went out to pick shit up and shut up went to the police station. when he got there the police officer said "What's your name son?" and Shut up said "Shut up." the officer replies with "Ummm...excuse me?!" and shut up said "Shut up!" and the officer said "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
Why couldn't the dinosaur clap? They're dead!
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
