They jokes
Why is it poetic when they have plenty of those German sandals in the store? Because they're Birkenstock.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
More like so they can fuck him, am I right?
Aaron and Ben meet on Grindr. They have a drink and have sex. They wake up in the morning in bed. Aaron says, "I'm so glad I got it out." Ben replies, "What? Oh, just the HIV."
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
How are mountains able to see?
They peak!
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
I tried to stick to One Direction, but then they started to shoot the gay bar...
They said time heals all wounds, well, I broke your watch.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.