Thereness jokes
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
Why have there been so many deaths around the world?
Trees and ropes.
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
Denise.
What more is there to say?
There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.
The only thing they can see are their chopsticks.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
How is there evidence of climate change?
The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!
Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
I'm playing a game of HANGMAN. Is there an 'S' or a 'C'?
MIKE PEN__E??