Thereness jokes
There are only women's rights causes because they leave you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
So, a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says, “Is there a problem, boyoh?”
“I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!” The man replies, “I’m a leprechaun.”
“Really?” says the man.
“That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper.”
“Anything I want?! Three of them?” replies the man.
“Anything in your wildest dreams, boyoh, but you have to let me finish.”
The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts it in. Thrusting back and forth, he asks for the man’s first wish.
“I want a giant yacht!”
“Aye,” says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now.”
“For my second wish, I want a billion dollars,” the man says, beginning to sweat.
“Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you,” the leprechaun replies.
“Okay,” the man groans in pain. “For my final wish, I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women.”
“You betcha, boyoh,” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW,” as he lets out a moan of pleasure.
The man, exhausted and sore, says, “That was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”
The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “Aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”
Oh my gods they’re watching us oh my god
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Why did the white girl come back from Africa?
Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I did not say banana? Ha ha!
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?
She had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Q: Why is it good being an orphan?
A: Because the family sized bag is all there's.
I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”
And vanished.
Yo mama so black, when God saw her, he said, "Let there be light!" but twice.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Gun. Gun who?
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Tornado." "Tornado who?" "Tornado going to suck yo house up."