Thereness jokes

Man

    • A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.

    "Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.

    "What is it?" The doctor asks.

    "I can't feel my legs!"

    The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.

    ". . . That's because I amputated your arms."

  • 0

    • Funeral

    • My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

  • 5
    • Thereness memes

    Snake

    • There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

    She replies with, "These are my headlights."

    He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

    So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

    Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

  • 1

    • Gender

    • Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.

    Nut

    • A nut told me to eat him, so I did, but something weird happened. I turned into a nut, and when I poop, there were eggs there.

    Calculator

    • There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

    Message

    • One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

  • 2