Thereness jokes
A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.
One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Mother!
Mother who?
It's your mother.
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police... Who? It's the police, let me in so I can get some donuts!
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you a lot!
Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Shhhhhhhhhh.
Shhhhhhhhhh who?
Shhhhhhhhhhampoo!
So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.
Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?
Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.
Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.
Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!
Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.
Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...
NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
You said that you would never forget!
Did you know there is no "p" in the alphabet? ABCDEFGHIJKLM(NOP)!