Thereness jokes

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like ‘re re‘ and you're like ‘re re’ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psycho’s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.

Why do orphans have to have customized phones? Because there aren't home buttons.

Why are there no Walmarts in Palestine?

There are Targets everywhere.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Ididap.

Ididap who?

That's the joke, you did a poo!

Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

What's the best thing about 20-1 year olds... there's 20.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂

There's 3 things I hate.

1. Jokes

2. Lists

3. Irony.

Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.

There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.

There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)

Why did the child cross the road?

To get to the church.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like your's belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you.

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, he just WAVED.

Did you SEA what I did there?

GUY: Yes

Are you SHORE?

Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was... not so smart.

One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks "How'd you do it?"

The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home."

The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again "How'd you do it?"

The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home."

Finally, it's now the not so smart Indian's turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!"

The not so smart Indian replies,

"Well I... I followed the train tracks, an... and shot th- the train... bu- but it kept going..."