Thereness jokes
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
Hey there, wanna buy some chromosomes?
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You.
You who?
Don't you get it? You're the joke, dumbass!
Memes
Why do people name a kid "Rob?" Because they want him to rob a bank so they could adopt new kids to lock in their basement for a late-night toy.
Mom: Hey, there's IHOP.
Kid: You hop to.
Yo mama so old, she was there when Moses was born.
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.
Knock knock? Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Not kangawho, kangaroo!
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you coming?"
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?
9/11.
Jorden Calerendiá.
I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.