Thereness jokes
There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
Knock knock. Who's there? Jo. Jo who? Jo Auntie.
Knock knock? Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? Not kangawho, kangaroo!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Yo mama so fat, she went to space and there was no space left.
Hello there!
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
Why was there a, ummmmm, a cow?
.......... To moo.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
The chicken who?
*Silence*
I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!
What happened when two invisible giants knocked over their blocks?
9/11.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?
Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"