Thereness jokes

A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.

The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"

The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."

The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."

So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"

The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."

The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.

"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.

There was a woman. She is property. Ha, sucks for that dishwasher.

Twin Towers are like genders, there used to be 2.

A boy named Jimmy was riding to Hell to save his brothers and sister. That is the last place he pissed. There came across the Devil.

Part 1

Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.

Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.

There is no god. None, not one.

There are only two genders.

What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.

What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.

Why do orphans hate smart kids?

Because the smart kids get their parents' attention.

Why didn't the orphan do the work?

Because when the teacher says they would call your mum or dad, there's nobody to call.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't make a 9/11 joke?

Me: I just shot an orphan.

Mate: You can’t do that!

Me: What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Most people age up on their birthdays,

Stephen levels up.

By the way, this isn't a joke or a poem. I just want to say, please check out Gwen's puns. They're good!

Hey, you might want to look at your butt because there's something coming out of Uranus.

The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.