Thereness jokes
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oliver.
Oliver who?
Oliver jokes don’t exist! 👹
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."