Thereness jokes
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?
There are 40 of them.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is blocking the door!
Once there was a boat. Its friends said,
"It's time to come back." And the boat said,
"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bone."
"Bone who?"
"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
If I had a dollar for every gender there is, I'd have two dollars and a lot of counterfeits.
Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?
So there’s more for the priest.
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Don’t stop orphan jokes. They’re funny, and people are just mad that they don’t understand the jokes because they're too STUUUPID.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!