Thereness jokes

Kid

    • Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

    Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

    Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

    Mom: Exactly.

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    • Sex

    • Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

    Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

    Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

    Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

    Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

    Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

    Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

    Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

    Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

    Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

    Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

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    • Team

    • So the coach got mad at me because I'm the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum, and I was just keeping the ball to myself. The coach pulled me aside and said, "Pass to others." I said, "Why?" And he said, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'" I said, "Yeah, but there's an 'm' and an 'e.'"

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    • Orphan

    • What did the Orphan say when he Googled Orphan jokes?

    I would say these jokes hit home, but there is no home to hit.

    Intelligence

    • I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

    Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

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    • Thereness memes

    Jesus

    • The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

    Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”

    Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”

    Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

    The teacher says, “How do you know this?”

    Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””

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    • Baby

    • There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"

    "I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.

    "I want to be a hunter."

    "Why?" the other babies ask.

    "I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."

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    • Costume party

    • There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, "Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween."

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    • Swing

    • Why couldn’t little Susie stay on the swing?

    She had no arms.

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Not Susie.

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    • Brick

    • Best way to trick your friends:

    A brick falls out of a plane.

    How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

    How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

    The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

    Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.