Thereness jokes

Voldemort: Knock, knock.

Harry Potter: Who's there?

Voldemort: You know.

Harry Potter: You know who?

Voldemort: Exactly!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

I love escalator jokes. There's not too many steps.

I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.

Why do orphans go to church?

They go there to finally call someone "father."

When there's no piñata at the party, but the emo kid just hung himself.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you going to the movies tonight?

A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

The terrorists lost their landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closest building because religion.

There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Por que.

Por que who?

"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."

Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.

Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."

What is the best part about having sex with 43 year olds?

There are 40 of them.

Why do Roman Catholics have so many kids?

So there’s more for the priest.

Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

You should go back into the abortion bucket. Maybe you'll find half a brain in there.

Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.

It's women that make it hard.