Thereness jokes
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
What’s the difference between women and condoms?
There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.
Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
Chrome turns you into chrome, but there is a chrome back bling, and it does nothing to you.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."