Thereness jokes

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Twins.

Twins who?

Twins go boom boom today on 9/11.

Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

Let's go punch some orphans, who are they gonna tell, their parents? 🤣🤣🤣

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.

Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.

Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?

A: Because when you're there, you're family.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?

Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.

Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?

Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."

There is no family.

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

I hate you.

I hate you who?

You hate me?? Rude!

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Your Boyfriend.

Your Boyfriend who?

Your Boyfriend who doesn’t love you! Bye!

A: Knock knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.

B: Package from Te-?

A: BOOM!

In 2006 on 6/9, there was something called communication opportunity happened. On 6/9. 69. Coincidence? I think NOT.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Mother!

Mother who?

It's your mother.