Themselves jokes

How do emos fly? They hang themselves.

Why do depressed people want to kill themselves?

To be loved on the news show for 10 minutes.

Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

So I told an orphan to slap themselves until they are wanted. I came back the next day to see them slapping themselves. Then I stopped them and told them to punch themselves.

The next day I saw a dead orphan.

I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.

People in wheelchairs need to stand up for themselves.

There is a Mexican, white guy, a Jew, and a Black man on top of the Empire State Building.

First, the Mexican and the Jew throw themselves off of the building saying, "This is for my people!"

Then the Black man is next up to jump and says, "This is for my people!"

And throws the White man off of the building.

People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.

Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

Stop making jokes about people in wheelchairs. They can't stand up for themselves.

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.

Yo mama is so ugly, her pictures hang themselves.

Yo mama is so ugly that her portraits hang themselves.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?

They would hang themselves like ornaments.

Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?

Because they can't make themselves at home.