Them jokes
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
For some reason a group of emo kids are following me because I gave them a Happy Meal.
Orthodox Christians are a little slow; they take 13 days to get the joke. So go easy on them, alright?
They have a new line of socks for paraplegics. They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.
Your tits look heavy. Need help holding them up?
Free service for tit holding!
Why did Ronald McDonald go to KFC to destroy them?
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater, she sits next to everyone.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
"Terrorist, that’s a little strong. We call them private militaries."
There are two types of people, avoid them both.