Them jokes

Hunter

    • Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

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    • Kid

    • My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.

    Grandma

    • What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.

    What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.

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    • Them memes

    Penaldo

    • Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.

    Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.

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    • Woman

    • A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

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    • Hospital

    • Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

    There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

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    • Secret

    • At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

    Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

    Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

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    • Miscarriage

    • I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

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    • Adult

    • 🤔 ❓ How do lesbians 😳 practice safe 🙏 sex they put condoms on dildos and then they put dildos inside of their 👄 👄 👄 mouths and then they perform fellatio on them

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    • Family

    • Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

    The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

    Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

    Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

    This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

    Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

    The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

    "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

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    • Grenade

    • What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

    They both make noise after you throw them.

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    • Tit

    • Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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