Them jokes
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Well, it depends on how hard you throw them.
I gave Helen Keller an Oculus and AirPods for her 12th birthday, and she hated them and me.
Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
What is a pirate's favorite letter? A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Why do orphans not like the movie Frozen?
Because for them, love isn't an open door.
What moans about women but wouldn't exist without them? A triggered menimist.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"
How are orphans like broken pencils?
Neither of them have points.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.
Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.
I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.