Them jokes

What makes a child an orphan?

Their parents left them for good. :D

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

Dark humor and women are very similar...

Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.

Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.

The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."

The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"

One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"

Depression jokes are wrong, stop making them; they're cruel and nasty. So stop; people are feeling like they're hated when they read your orphan jokes or depression jokes, so PLEASE stop.

I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.

My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.

Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?

Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?

Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.

Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?

Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You tell them to clap until their parents come home.

What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

Getting them back in the wheelchair.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

My family is like a treasure.

You need a map and shovel to find them.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office? Only one of them is scared.

Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?

A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.

What do trannies and jokes about them have in common?

Neither of them get old.