Them jokes
What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?
None of them get picked.
"When someone asks for a dad joke and you send them to the orphan page."
How do you ride two bikes at once?
You ride them in tandem!
My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Memes
me all the time
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
What do skeletons do with their organs?
They organize them!
An Autistic chef made hamburgers out of donkey meat.
He called them: “ASPERGER’S”
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.