Them jokes
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
Who can jump the highest?
Emos, some of them are still falling.
You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.
Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.
But at least lemonade came out!
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
What's the difference between an orphan and a pencil?
People actually have a use for one of them.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
No one misses them.
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
Why do orphans like being criminals?
Because then someone actually wants them.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."
His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."
Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"