Them jokes

Baby

Anonymous · 8 years ago

How do you fit 1000 babies in a swimming pool?

A blender.

How do you get them out? Slurp them up with a straw.

Ninja

Zach Topping · 5 years ago

How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?

They slash them.

Depression

kill your self · 5 years ago

The depressed kid went to high five the tree... but the tree left them hanging.

Chivalry

That guy · 4 years ago

Women be like chivalry is dead, then don't say thank you when you open the door for them.

School

Anonymous · 7 years ago

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

Florida Man

CrackedRuby_alt · 2 years ago

Oop

A tweet from CBS News stating that a Florida man was arrested for kidnapping 27 people and forcing them to play Yahtzee for 36 hours straight. The tweet includes the man's mugshot.

Them memes

Unemployed People

Dank puns · 8 years ago

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Ball

Amoungus · 4 years ago

Jesse: Do you like my ball?

Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?

Jesse: No, they do not leave me.

Why do we call them dead bodies? Nobody says "alive bodies!" Like you walk into your workplace, "OMFG IT'S FULL OF BODIES! Alive ones, though." You wouldn't give birth and say, "Come on, husband, help me with the bodies." If it's a surprise party, you wouldn't say, "QUICK, HIDE THE BODIES!" And the person who the party was for wouldn't say "OH MY GOD WHY ARE THEY DEAD!"

Orphan

Grace · 5 years ago

What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.

Racist

Sore Raven · 6 months ago

Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?

Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.

Jeffrey Epstein

Shower thoughts · 2 years ago

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Bring them young.

Schizophrenia

crack head · 3 years ago

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

Difference

Kai Divine Ortiz · 3 years ago

What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.

Orphan

Anonymous · 5 years ago

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

Road

Gwen · 5 years ago

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”