Them jokes
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
Why are orphans always sad?
Because their parents aren't there to cheer them up.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a flower? One of them gets picked.
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
What makes all these categories so familiar? Either you've experienced them, or made them up in your backstory.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"