Them jokes

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

Them: "You're ugly."

Me: "No, as ugly as your extra chromosome."

Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.

What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?

The more you play with them, the harder they get.

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

Me: If my face looked like yours, I would sue my parents.

Sensei: That’s funny, because when your parents dropped you off at the temple, they got a fine for littering.

Cop: Hehe, that’s funny because I gave them the fine!

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

What do orphans and homework have in common?

Everybody forgets about them.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.