Them jokes

Why do risky people have cats?

So they have 10 lives with them.

First date be like:

Me: "I work with animals every day."

Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

Me: "I'm a butcher."

I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.

I keep going back and forth on them.

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.

"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

Why do people call priests "Father"?

Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."

Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

Why don't orphans go home at pickup?

Because they don't have parents to pick them up.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until their parents come home.

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."

What do orphans and homework have in common?

Everybody forgets about them.

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"