Them Jokes

I need more webs and I need more supplies for more webs, how do I make them? With spiders!

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

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"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.

What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?

Neither of them can see or hear their parents.