Them jokes
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Why do people call priests "Father"?
Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until their parents come home.
Why can't orphans go to school? They need their parents to sign them up.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
Why do risky people have cats?
So they have 10 lives with them.
First date be like:
Me: "I work with animals every day."
Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"
Me: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
A Mario & Luigi joke.
What are the Mario bros' view on child support?
Mario: The parents are obligated to provide for the child and help them the best they could.
Luigi: LMAO I GOTTA GO!
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.