Them jokes

Why do trees never call emo kids? Because they always hang up on them.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Why do risky people have cats?

So they have 10 lives with them.

I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

I need more webs and I need more supplies for more webs, how do I make them? With spiders!

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?

Put them in a barking lot!

When you think of the word "simp," you think of a girl. "Girl" stands for ghosts in real life. Another word for simp is "ding dong." Put them together, and you get ghosts in real life with ding dongs.

Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.

So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.

What’s the worst part about eating vegetables? Putting them back in the wheelchair.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

If you ever get mad at an orphan, punch them in the face... What are they going to do, tell their parents?

"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"