What is the oldest animal in the world?
A zebra—it is black and white.
The World Jokes
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
What was the last pizza order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes.
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
What is the smallest room in the world?
A mushroom.
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
Yo mama so ugly, it made the world stop spinning.
What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?
They both fall in September.
I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies! How silly of me.
Even the World Trade Center underwent a better upgrade than your ugly ass.
You're so skinny the world turns to the left!
