Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 Victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds
I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.
She said "but the world is round"
I said, babe you are my world.
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
A child has diarrhea and asked his mom for a viagra. "Why in the world do you want that?" She asked him. He looks at her and says, "Well that's what you gift dad when his shit won't get hard."
What's the most expensive haircut in the world ? Chemotherapy
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world
Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Imagine working at the World Trade Center only for Osama bin Laden to call and ask if he could crash at your place
I remember when I was a kid i thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right, they used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world
Man 1: why don’t we just put all the dept in the world on one man then kill him? Man 2: we tried that once it started a cult
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys
Some day, Canada will take over the world. -- And then we'll all be sorry.
Why did Joe Bidden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible....But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
The more people who like to eat tide pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁
Francis Pope, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy were one a falling airplane. Their were 3 parachutes. Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps off the plane saying, “The world needs my leadership!” Barack Obama grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane. At this point, the Pope and the little boy are on the plane. The Pope says to the boy, “take the last parachute, I am too old and I’m going to die soon one day.” The little boy says, “actually their are two, you see, Donald Trump took my backpack.”
