The Police jokes
Why doesn't the police arrest orphans? Because they aren't wanted.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......
It’s a wood hulem.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?
Me and my wife love playing table tennis. I couldn’t win all day, but when it got dark, I managed to beat her. I don’t know how the police found out so quickly.
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.
Why did the police play baseball?
Why?
He wanted to play catch.
How would Stephen Hawking get rid of the police?
Go to the junkyard.
When the police caught him stealing batteries, he was immediately charged.
The cops are accusing him of resisting. He's now languishing in a cell, where he is currently awaiting an appearance in Circuit Court.
According to the Police report, what did one traffic signal say to the other?
"Roxanne, you don't have to put on the red light..."
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
Your Mom tells you to take out the trash, and the next day the Police are asking if you bombed the School.
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Fishes.
Fishes who?
Fishes the police, come out with your hands up!
Little Johnny was walking on the street alone one day and saw a robber. Little Johnny says to him "Give the mother fucking broken ass piece of shit back!"
To which the robber says "FUCK YOU! I don't wanna."
Little Johnny calls the police and says "A robber is stealing a broken ass piece of shit purse."
The police said "How old are you?"
Little Johnny then hangs up the phone.