That jokes

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?

"I'd smash that."

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What do you call a pig that does karate?

PORK-CHOP

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said, "it's a deer." The other said, "No it's a coyote." The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.

Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.

Doctor: Yup.

Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.

Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.