That jokes

A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”

Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?

Caregiver.

Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!

Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.

Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.

I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.

You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?

"I'd smash that."

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.

Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

What do you call a pig that does karate?

PORK-CHOP

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.