That jokes
Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?
A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.
Yo mama so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t.
Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.
Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?
It rocked!
Your mama is so ugly! Ghostface from Scream won't even make that call!
That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to stupid people. You're much worse than that.
China shouldn't play baseball because that would take out the whole world with one bat.
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
Mom: (Looking through Facebook) How adorable!
Kid: (Looking over her shoulder) What a cute ass!
The kid's mom blushes until she realizes what he was pointing to. It was a picture of a baby donkey.
The real question is, what was she looking at on the same screen that made her blush at that remark?
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
If all the class are straight but you think that someone is hiding that he's gay, you're an investiGAYtor.
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.