That jokes

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"

Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"

Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."

Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."

Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"

Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."

Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

My heart says to stop because it hurts.

Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

My wife said I have no sense of direction.

I said, "Where did that come from?"

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?

From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.

I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.