Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
You're so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.