Isn't it strange that the LGBTQ flag only has straight lines?
That Jokes
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"
"Dave who?"
Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Q: How can you tell that a pedophile likes music?
A: He rapes D minor.
The gas prices are going up so much that even Hitler is killing himself.
Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
Surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that their arms don't get tired.
Today, I dreamt about giving head to Johnny Depp.
Then I woke up and realized that I forgot to roll my windows up when passing through the New Jersey Turnpike.
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"
Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"
I'm such a perfectionist that I can't even fail an autism test.
What did one iceberg say to the other iceberg as the Titanic went by?
"I'd smash that."
