That jokes

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

1: Hey.

2: What?

1: We're outta paint.

2: *HMM*

(And that's how stop signs have extra paint.)

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

I love Alabama. I live there. I have a sign that says, "Sweet Home Alabama!"

I think that church is super burning 🥵.

Mom, why was I adopted?

Because people are terrible, and that’s how the world works, son!

Ok, Dad, the world is TERRIBLE!

El, can you grab me that bow?

If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, does that mean your pants are tucked into your shirt?

Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...

Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?

Does anyone know the song that goes like:

Nananana na na na, nananana na na na, nananana na, na na, na, na na na?

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

New Windex ad:

You should get Windex for that dirty mind!

Do you know the teacher that went up in space? She had blew eyes. One blew this way and one blew that way.

What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?

Josef Vasicek.

She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.