That jokes

What is yellow and can’t fly?

A school bus.

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom... Until they are flashing behind you!

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.

After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.

The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"

The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Your hairline is so long that when I put it on email, it didn't send, which is ETHAN BRIDEWATER.

Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?

Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

God damn it. Fuck Christianity. I'm fucking 30 years old and still a virgin.

THAT'S A JOKE GOD DAMMIT!

What do you call an emo that cuts too deep? Gushers.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she soon found herself homeless, begging for food or money to survive.

She used to occupy a street next to a theater, not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her. Every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every Tuesday, just to keep her spirits up.

One Tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange-looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story and decided to share his fortune.

Gentleman: "I work as a magician in the touring show; today, we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate, but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin."

God: (creating elephants) Make it big.

Angel: How big?

God: As big as my d--

Angel: Whoa!

God: Fine, 10 feet tall.

Angel: That's big bu--

God: Put a long thing on its face.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, she sinks!

Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

If you don't like my suicidal jokes, sorry man, didn't know it cut that deep.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

"Yo mama's so fat, that I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing today!"

I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.