That jokes

Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.

Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.

When I found out that my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked.

I heard that your forehead is so big that you could build a neighborhood on it.

Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!

What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?

"That's nacho cheese!"

Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?

That depressed kid in class: Dead.

I find that a lot of butts CRACK me up.

The Blonde got a Ph.D.?

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

Why does the orphan not buy milk?

That's what their parents are doing.

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!

What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?

Hippo-POT-amus!

Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.

Son: That’s too baaaaaad!

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

What do you call seagulls that fly over a bay? Bay-gulls.

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 Detour.