That jokes

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

What do you call a cow that doesn't stop shaking?

A milkshake.

Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

6 feet under.

*That is how deep they put the coffin...*

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

Your mama so white that her first number was 911.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

What did Hitler say to Stan after he died?

I did nazi that coming!

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

What do you call a special ed class that’s flooded?

Vegetable soup.

What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.

What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?

Give a blowjob.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?

She called for a price check.

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

Did you ever hear the story about the broken pencil?

That's okay. There is really no point to it.

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."