Me: Want to hear a joke?
Friend: Sure.
Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me.
Friend: What's funny about that?
Me: Because the next day they disowned me.
That Jokes
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. That sucks when you are adopted.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
"Stop telling these orphan jokes!! Maybe some people that read these are orphans!"
I'll stop telling orphan jokes when their parents come back.
People said that we needed to follow in Kobe's footsteps, but there are none.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.
I will always remember my grandma's last words: "What are you doing with that pillow?"
Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find God, he'll help you!"
Then the man said, "There’s only one way to get to God, and that is through Jesus. Have you, my friend, found him?"
What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?
Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
