North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.
Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."
The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."
Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.
But I realized I can't see him. LOL!
This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).
My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
What do u call a girl that runs faster than her brothers?
A redneck virgin!
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
Me: Hey, what book are you reading?
Him: "The Twisted Ones."
Me: Uh, I guess that book is pretty twisted.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
Man's got that big bati, you know.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
