Homophone jokes
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What do you call a dead fly? -- A flew.
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
What do you call an hourglass with no sand in it?
A waist of time.
What's 9/11 survivors' least favorite NFL team?
New York Jets.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Did you hear about the person who invented the door knocker?
He won a no-bell prize.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What is a pirate's favorite element?
Argon.
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
Spell "I cup." It's funny.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He wanted to be a woofer.
What do you call a mountain of kittens?
A meowtain.
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.
"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Drake."
"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."
"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."
What's a chicken's deadliest day?
Friday.