That jokes

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.

Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?

You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.

Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.

A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.

Mom, where are we going?

To your grandma's funeral.

Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.

What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?

Ones that contain nuts.

You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.

I have a fish that can breakdance, but only for 20 seconds and only once.

Question: Did you know that "diarrhea" is hereditary?

Answer: It "runs" in your jeans!

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Your hairline goes so far back that it stretches the length of Ohio.

Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.

*School Shooter Walks In*

That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Roses are red, violets are blue.

Is that what you think? You have no clue, you fool!

Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?

Me: I Excel at it.

Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?

Me: Word.