That jokes

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

GOOD MORNING USA!!!! I GOT A FEELING THAT IVE SEEN A FUCKIN NlGGER TODAY!!!

It's just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, "Mein Kraft."

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Fuck you, that's why.

Your hairline is so far back that not even Tom Brady could throw that far.

Died and came back sped. I call that rien-tardation.

Me: "Hey, get my joke on that timeline."

Her: "No."

Yo mama so scary that the monsters have to look under the bed for her.

Yo mama so ugly that the monsters thought that she was their mother.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale said: "OOOWWWWW!!!! Get off me, you overweight bucket of lard."

Your hairline is so far back that if you wore yellow, people would think you were One Punch Man.

Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?

The owners know that forces come in pears.

Yo mama is so fat that when she is about to put her foot on the scale, the scale begs for mercy.

Why did the Twin Towers fall exactly at 9/11?

Because the terrorists thought that it would be fun to call 911 as a "prank."

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.