Test jokes

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.

"Give me the good news first," the patient said.

"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."

"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"I've been trying to reach you for two days."

A burglar breaks into the home of a weapons engineer. He wants to steal some of his weapons from his strictly secured chamber. When he breaks in through the window to go into his weapons cellar, he realizes that the inventor is at home and heard him from upstairs.

The burglar shouts, "Hands up, there is no escape!" The engineer shouts, "What do you want from me?" The thief answers impatiently, "Well, what do you think? I know what you're hiding here. Get me entry to your armory, right away!" "Never in my life will I do that!" The burglar pulls out his pistol, "Either you let me in, or you go for it!"

"Well, I'll give up, I'll give you my guns. Please don't shoot me." The burglar grins gleefully, "Thank you." "I even have a gun here that I've been working on lately. You can have it." The burglar then thinks and grunts, "Okay, before you open up, you'll show me this first!"

The inventor says, "It's shooting plasma. You can test it on one of my practice goals that I've made while I'm unlocking," and points to a side room where various dummies with targets are set up. The burglar walks into the room with the targets, focuses on the red dot in the middle of the disc, and pushes off. But the gun does not fire plasma or at the target. Instead, the gun fires a bullet at the burglar. This causes him to bleed to the ground.

The engineer behind him began to laugh, "Hahaha! I knew you were falling for it! This is not a plasma gun at all; this is my latest invention, especially for burglars like you: the backward-shooting pistol."

Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!

I got my math test back today. I am Asian and raised in an Asian household, so I was worried about what I was going to get.

I got a 95%.

I'm having warm dinner tonight!

P.S. True story, lol.

What did Osama get on his test when he was a kid? A 9/11.

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

What did the people do to the deceased after tests?

They bari-um.

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?

Oh dear, I made a backwards ray. Let's test it. I made a backwards ray, let's test it oh.

When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,

but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.

*Is honestly the best policy.*

Yo mama so stupid, she failed a survey.

Today we had a test on September 11th in school. I got a 9/11.

Why did the wither skeleton fail his test?

Because his answers were netherrite.

Me: spreading positivity.

Everyone else at the HIV testing center.

Stormtrooper: What should I do with this guide for my test?

Palpatine: Review it.

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.