Test jokes
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?
If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?
A tEsTiClE!
What’s something you can say during a pregnancy test and during a sporting event?
"We’ve got a runner!"
Memes
I think
A man is talking to his doctor after undergoing a whole range of tests to try and find out what’s wrong with him.
The doctor sits him down and says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but the results are back, and I’m afraid it’s fatal.”
“Oh no!” exclaims the man, “How long do I have?”
“Ten,” says the doctor.
“What, years? Months?!”
“Nine...”
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?
Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
What did the cat say when he took his new car for a test drive?
"Meoooow!"
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
Why can't people in wheelchairs pass high school?
The pacer test.
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-
"I like ya cut, G."
Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.
Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.
What do high school kids and Dow have in common? They both test chemicals.