What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."
April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill’s candy, but Jack had a shock with a mouth full of cock cause Jill’s real name was Randy.
With a tight cheeked fanny and shlong expandy, Jack’s face turned uncanny. Off he ranny to tell granny his best friend was a tranny.
Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked into the classroom.
The teacher asked them, "Why are you arguing?"
One of the boys replied, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
Did you hear about the school shooting joke? Well, I won't tell you it's aimed at a younger audience.
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.
I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
