Television jokes
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
What is an orphan's least favorite show? “How I Met Your Mother.”
What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
What did the walrus say when they lost the remote?
"Walrus the remote!"
Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.
I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.
What show do orphans hate the most?
Fullerb
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
Do you see the toilet?
Wow, no SP jokes?
Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.
Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.