Television jokes

What is a show for kids?

Barney.

Family Guy funny moments.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV, and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...

After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"

Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?

Because the parents are in every episode.

I see 2 fighting with 3. "What's going on?" I ask. 5 responds: "The numbers are moving on up."

What did Spock encounter in the Enterprise toilet?

The Captain's Log.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

I was watching a TV show where a guy was hanging off a cliff, then the series ended... I guess you can say that they left that guy on a cliffhanger!

I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.

Yo mama is so ugly that when she turned on the TV, it changed channels by itself.

Bob Ross fighting in Vietnam. "They're in the happy little trees, shoot the happy little trees and bushes!"

What TV series do orphans hate?

"House, M.D."

I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded. But it was only on paper view.

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.