Technology jokes
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.
Who hit the ground first?
The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.
Stephen Hawking did not die; he deleted himself.
What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?
"Restore factory settings."
What did Elon Musk do after sacking half of Twitter employees?
Raped an eight-year-old girl.
What do you call a phone that talks?
A reader in a leader.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
Hey Siri, skip to Friday!
I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Best thing ever right here.
So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
You make the juice go through my power brick.