Technology jokes
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
What was the one test that Steven Hawking couldn't pass?
reCAPTCHA
Yo mama so fat, she needs 17 iPhones to take a selfie.
I was joking about self-harm to my friend, and she told me to "CUT it out!" I couldn't even laugh.
When we were at the self-checkout, she started scanning my arms. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "Trying to see if it beeps, ya think I'd get it to work if I scanned your thighs?"
I said, "Nah, bro, you'd overload the system if you put it there."
Sometimes my battery life has the same recognition as me :(
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
What's the same with a controller and a woman?
They both work if you hit them.
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
How does a computer spell "Autocorrect"?
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Hate when my phone dies instead of me :))
What do depressed people use for emotions online?
They use EMOjis.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
When you're in the World Trade Center and you connect to airplane wifi.
Me: I been up all night, no sleep--
The lie detector I didn’t know I had: Lie.
Me: stfu! I’m just singing!
Lie detector: You literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!
Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!
Lie detector: It’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM... You get waken up at 7:00 AM... you only sleep two hours......
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
What game console do emergency vehicles play? Wii U!!!
Yo mama so dumb that when she saw the "log in" page on her computer, she went and put a log in it.