Technology jokes
You used to call me on your cellphone when you need my love.
Mad girl: SHUT UP! YOU ARE SO ANNOYING! I DON'T WANT TO CALL YOU ON MY CELL PHONE!
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.
They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.
"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.
The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.
"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."
They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.
"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.
When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.
"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."
Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.
The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.
"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.
"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
Fuck you
The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.
Stephen Hawking died because he got hacked by me, and the update was too strong.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? His ethernet cable fell out.
Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?
He lost his Wi-Fi connection.
Fortnite Android Beta
What is a computer's favorite snack? Cookies!
Why did the smart orphan lose the tech competition?
The motherboard was nowhere to be found.
To be brutally honest, I think his wife let him die for money, because they could just plug him back in. Surely they have an Android cable about?
Why do people say "cheese" in a camera?
Because they were using the computer.
One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."
Did you hear he died of a virus? A computer virus.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
I think I know why Stephen Hawking died, he pressed Alt+F4.
Why do all orphans get iPhone X's?
There isn't a home button.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.