Teacher Jokes

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class, we had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix. We both raised our hands and she called on both of us. Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff. Leah: and also are you from Harry Potter?

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes. My teacher turns to the class and asks “If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?” So I raised my hand and said “Asians have small penis” he looked at me and said “very good. But I was looking for a definition.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up? Kid 1: I want to be a fire fighter kid 2: I want to be a police officer kid 3: i want to be dead like both my parents Teacher: ok everyone pull out your books Kid 4: are we going to ignore what he said? Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

You know why teacher punished dairy milk.. 🍫🍫?? Answer : because he was choco_'late' to school.. 🏣

Good night

Quite Kid: *reaches into bag* Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN

there was this boy he had diarrhea and he kept asking to go to the bathroom but the teacher said no next ting you know he poop his self infront of the class.

Why do orphans go to public schools?

Who’s going to homeschool them?

me,'' i came home laughing'' parents,'' what's wrong'' me,''the teacher asked everyone a question luckily i was the only one who had known'' parents,'' good for you johnny what was the fantastic question your teacher had gave everyone and only knew'' me,'' well its kinda complicated but here it goes'' parents,''what is it'' me,''WHO FARTED.''

I was at school one day and my teacher gave me home work and once i got home i did not do my home work but i watched TV after movie i finally went to go do my home work i was almost done with my home work when i got to the last question i didnt know the answer so i asked the closest living being to me witch was my dog and i asked him: whats two minus two? he said nothing

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school

he was a cheetah

My Teacher is a rapist

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies "No"

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up" she replied

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says "who do you think you are?"

The boy replies "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says "how do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy them replies "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

Roses are red, I like girls from the south, a 425-pound teacher gets suspended after sitting on a kids head and farting in his mouth.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."

"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"

"Maybe it was a tricycle."

"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"

Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."

That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"

Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"

Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."

Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"