Suicide jokes
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
What's an emo kid's favorite movie?
Suicide Squad.
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
We are all just suicidal kids telling other kids not to do it.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Your nan is gay.
What does the suicidal person say on New Years?
"New year, no me."
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
Suicide
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
"Do you have a noose?"
"Nose?"
"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."
"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"
"No."
*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
What type of people have the world record for most stories read in the shortest amount of time?
Emos, some of them are still in the air.
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.
Wait, actually.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.