Suicide jokes

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?

I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

How do you know all suicide bombers self-identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?

Til death do we park.

How do you call a Chinese emo? Han ing. (Hanging)