Street jokes

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”

*Apple bottom jeans plays*

What do orphans and garbage have in common?

They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

I was walking this hot girl home, then she noticed me, then the walk turned into a run.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Why did Timmy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?

Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute can wash their crack and resell it.

I was walking till I saw a kid sitting on the street. I walked over there and said, "Where are your parents?" He cried even more.

Oh, I just love talking to orphans.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

How does the zebra cross the road?

The zebra crossing.

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!