I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?
"Coincidence on 34th Street."
A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.
A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"
why did the chicken want to cross the road because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car...
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
What hood do zombies come from?
Dead Ends.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind yo f...ing buisnes like damn
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
I saw a little boy playing alone in the street. I told him that was a bad idea, then asked for his parents.
God, orphanages are fun to work at!!
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover it's called flying through the windshield and the song's name is crossing the street
Why did the orphan cross the street? Because they thought that mommy and daddy was on the other side.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
