Street jokes

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

Two nuts were walking down the street, and one was a-salted!

I went to find someone to fuck in the streets for money, and I found a prostitute, but then she raped me. After she said it was amazing and instead let me push.

Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?

To get them into his van.

Your Mama so fat, when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed but the sidewalk cracked up.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!

Officer: You OK, kid?

Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.

Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*

When officer leaves:

Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?

What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

Why did the octopus cross the road?

'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."

Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.

What’s big and black on the road?

What hood do zombies come from?

Dead Ends.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.