Stop jokes
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.
"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"
"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why did the chair file a restraining order?
The booty wouldn't stop cracking up!
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping?
With a taste test.
Why don't rappers ever become chefs?
Because they can't stop droppin' the beet!
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Damn boy, you must be Nick Cannon because you don’t know when or how to stop.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
Guys, I know how to stop racism. Delete the word "racism." People can't be something that doesn't exist.
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!