I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self control
1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" 2. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." 3. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second." 4. Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations." Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average." Policeman: "About a gallon." 5. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" 6. My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year." 7. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 8. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 9. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation." 10. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
the way to stop school shootings is to give children a rpg
My Mom said she's going to kill me if i dont stop using my compu
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes. I guess they're whoreibble
Did you see that chinese man with no legs? No I'm blind.
Stop ruining my jokes. Isn't that the chinese man with no legs fault? Its not like He Go Ann Hi Weh
why did the orphan stop playing baseball.
because baseball has a home and an orphan does not.
laugh now.
I should probably stop making jokes about 9/11 My dad died to it, he was a great piolet
your mom is so fat wen you printid the picshor it wold not stop printing😂😂🤣🤣
By the time I ran my wife over with my car. I had to stop for gas twice.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes so i hanged on
You are so ugly when joker saw u he stopped laughing
An apple and an emo girl fall from the same height in a tree which one hits the ground first Apple cuz The Noose stops her
Hey guys can we stop making these jokes, If my mom sees this I will never see the sun again. Oh . . . :( continue
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dads pants. Little Johnny says "That explains what the lady next door was doing"
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on fathers day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes and I replied with its not that deep
My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes so I said I’ll cut it out
Me calling the orphan kid from school: hello are your parents home? The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* STOP CALLING HERE
Rosex why you search that dose it mean Roblox sex kid stop